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These words evoke fear in the hearts of those who are dating. They can halt a relationship in its tracks. Ironically, these are the very words that are essential for actually beginning a genuine relationship. Oh, the conundrum! While our generation idealizes relationships that are “chill” and prefers to date individuals who are “doing their own thing,” beneath this relaxed exterior, we are yearning for connection and genuine affection. This “chill” approach is not the ideal state for relationships; rather, it leads to a vicious cycle of self-doubt, suspicion, and risk aversion.
This phenomenon did not emerge out of nowhere. As sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova stated in an interview with Mic.com, “Millennials are in no hurry to marry or settle down — they’ve witnessed the frequent demise of many early marriages, and they have careers to build, countries to travel, and life experiences to amass before they decide to settle down and start families.” At its core, the concept of being “chill” is well-intentioned. We don’t want to pressure our partners into something they’re not ready for; we aim to give them the space to be themselves and pursue their passions. In theory, we want to allow them freedom.
Unfortunately, we have taken this too far, granting each other the right to be unaccountable for our actions. We have demonized the need to answer to a demanding partner and made it socially acceptable to be emotionally unavailable, while blaming those who are emotionally intelligent for being perceived as bossy or controlling.